The Zapping Holiday Diaries: Los Angeles/Las Vegas May 2004
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Saturday 15th/Sunday 16th May 2004 - THE LAST ENTRY
i am currently uncomfortable and flying several thousand feet over nova scotia or someone equally lovely as i write this so i will combine my saturday and sunday journal entries with this trip home.I have been to several all you can eat buffets this week and have come to two conclusions: one - it is entirely wasted on me. I can barely get through a full plate and then always feel guilty for not finishing it and feel guilty for not eating more. So i come out with a distended belly and weighed down by guilt. Not a good combination... two - some people seem to think the all you can eat logo is their own personal challenge and pile their plate sky high as they sink their chompers into a whole fried chicken. I don't know whether to admire them or fear them (i certainly get the impression that i would lose an eye if i got between them and the dessert cart.)
Saturday was las vegas gay pride. It was the least proud convention i have ever seen. It was held in some out of town disused sports hall that you had to pay $12 to get into and all that was inside were some vendors and a dj. Apparently last year the organiser did a runner with all the money the night before pride. I think that person did the las vegas gay community a favour - they have been very poorly represented. At least i now can't wait for Birmingham pride back home...
I swear the guy in front of me is the heaviest guy in the world. I am all for reclining the seat but i could practically do dental work on this chap. I should too - he has a nasty molar that needs filling. dentists are nasty - mine always jams the aspirator right into my cheek so i walk round for the next week with only one cheek. (I would like to point out that i of course mean the cheek on my face - god only knows what would happen if he jammed the aspirator into my other cheek )
I despise the middle seat as it has now caused me the most amount of embarrassment that is possible (even more than the tampon up my nose on the way here). I had already asked the guy next to me to move three times so i could pee/brush my teeth/stretch my legs and i couldn't wake him so i thought that i could just stand on my seat and climb over him without waking him (what was i thinking ) i not only whacked my head very hard on the air blowy hole thing and said fuck extremely loudly but then as i put my leg over him i realised it was a very bad idea but i was losing my balance annd oh yes. i stumble and now the poor guy is awake and his head is now buried into my crotch while i have almost fallen over the back of the seat and have knocked a drink over on the woman behind him. Why am i always the least popular person on the plane??? Good bye america i will miss you...
Posted by Paul 9:38 am
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